She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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