rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
