Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
