Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my poor anus
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
