i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
