i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
