I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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