I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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