We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so explain again why im purple
no
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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