Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
