Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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