I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
