you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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