fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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