i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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