I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
