Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
