Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're too hungover to prance.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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