I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
