I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
