I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
