DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
