You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to make out with him forever
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
