Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize