the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
