If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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