I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you would pick up someone in the library
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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