Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize