and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
