I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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