The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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