It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
