I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
