Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize