they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
