Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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