Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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