i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
