what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
