I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
