just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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