when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
