the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
