So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
