The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
