dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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