Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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