Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
