New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
