First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
