Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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