john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
