Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We have started to decorate penises.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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