i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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