Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
