just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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