first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
