Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
