I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
