At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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