i permit you to call me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
