Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
