I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
