everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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