Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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