Umm I'm too high to move.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
