Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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