first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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