Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
