The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
