so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
